Disobedience Brings Sorrow,June 16, 2015
When I don't hear from the Lord, sometimes it ’s about fatigue and duties. Sometimes...it's about correction. If I can share quite candidly what's going on from my heart, perhaps I can spare you the pain have to go through when I foolishly follow my own whims.
A few days ago, I was able to buy a thumb drive and cable for our computer for some work I felt I needed to do. Now, the Lord is very strict with us for His own reasons, and I tend to be more liberal with myself. He has taught me over the years to make do, and I mean, really make do...mending instead of replacing clothes, in general not focusing on the things I ran after when I was a “gentile.”
In those days, I wanted the best equipment, clothing etc, etc. But when I became a Christian, He began to focus me in the direction of simplicity because it leads to humility-which I have found to be the foundation and roof over my life. And so, for the most part, walking by clothing and such at Walmart is not an issue. I just ignore it because I have enough to cover my body and the only one I want to impress is the Lord.
But, since I considered this a very small but important purchase, I didn't check with Him to see if He wanted me to Have it. I just ran down to the store and bought it. Well...I have to admit I did have somewhat of a check in my spirit, but I'm very good at justifying things, so I just convinced myself that these items were necessary, and He wouldn't mind. Right?
Wrong. He didn't want me to have these items and I began to get Rhema readings about sin, which began to greatly concern me. And then, when I came into prayer to get a message, He was very quiet and not as accessible to me as usual. So, I began to feel like I might have made a mistake. After two days went by, I knew I'd made a mistake and I felt terrible. I was still in my mind trying to justify not checking with Him against common sense need, so I wasn't totally convinced until a friend prayed for me. I told her, “I'm a mess, I don't know what's bothering me or why but something isn't right.” So she went into warfare for me.
She told me: "there was a dark mist all through the house when I first started praying. I prayed in tongues after the binding prayer for a long while. There was a "block" over me for a bit -then Father broke through with brilliant light, and I went to your house (in the spirit). I stood at the ready with sword drawn, there in your sunroom -but I didn't see anything except this mist, no matter where I looked. As I prayed, the mist started moving away and clearing, and I saw angels stationed here and there. There was finally just one, small "cloud" of the black mist. I asked Jesus what it was, why it as there. He called it "sorrow and disobedience." I asked why -and He said that you need to be conscious from now on to go to Him first about EVERYTHING you do -buying, sending money, whatever. Before you make any decisions, ask Him to tell you specifically what to do, where to go, who to give to, how to do it. This was a big point. Like what to do with the money from returning the things you bought: you are to ask Him what to do with the credit specifically, before you go back -and then do what He tells you. He's not angry with you or anything -just insisting that you make ALL of your decisions WITH Him from now on. I don't know why -that's all I sensed.”
So, when I got her reply I just was so disgusted and grieved with myself. I had failed the Lord and done something without His approval. I just sat and cried for the longest time. I had a little communion service and repented deeply for my Pride and afterwards I saw Him almost nose to nose, listening very carefully to what I said.
"I'm so, so sorry Lord."
He replied, "I forgive you, Clare."
"Let's rebuild."
Ok. I'm so sorry.
"I forgive you. I wish now to move on with caution, Clare. Your enemy goes about as a roaring lion seeking who he would destroy and he knows your weak points very, very well. And he has taken careful aim and shot poison arrows into your heart. And because you were not wearing the mantle of humility they took hold and fouled your heart.
"Now we must pull out these poisoned tips and apply medicine to break the bondage. Oh, he is a clever one, using you against yourself. But we will have the victory because you love Me and I love you and nothing about that has changed.
(lots of sorrow and weeping)
"I'm here, Clare. I love you."
Oh, thank you, Lord.
He asked , "Can we dance together, for just a little?"
Oh yes, Lord, I'd love that. Would you restore the mantle of humility?
"It is already restored."
And so, we did dance together for a little while and He said, "Shall we finish the message?"
And I was glad He said that, because I felt you all needed to know about these deep pitfalls in the spiritual life.
"My Bride, when I am crafting you to your ultimate purpose, I have a certain image in mind. What would not be sin for one man might be sin for another, because I am creating a work of art and bringing to the surface all the gifts I endowed you with at your conception.
"I alone know the majesty and beauty of the finished product. I alone know the road you must take and the form you must fill to become who I have meant you to be-and that takes work on My part and obedience on your part to produce.
"A computer cable and a thumb drive might not be a sin for one person...but for you? I have put a check in your spirit, and when you ignore or explain away that check you are treading on dangerous ground in a forest full of demons.
"When you feel you must justify something to Me when you suspect I don't want you to have it, you know you've entered that dangerous, dark wood of demons stalking you because your armor of humility is down. Anytime you contend with Me, your armor is down and the enemy can see it clearly.
"So, he takes careful aim, and unless you repent immediately, that arrow finds its mark in your heart and infection sets in. If you are not careful to immediately come to Me for surgery, it spreads throughout your body and off the track you go. And, if you continue and continue to go off course, they (the demons) begin plotting your way to disaster. That is why immediate repentance is so important.
"At one little infraction, the armor opens just a little. But then, as you follow that course, it opens a little more and more and more-until you are fully exposed and then the stage is set for deadly and life altering sin. You have noticed how gentle I am when you first begin to get off the track. If you catch it right then, I breathe a big sigh of relief. I hate to see you go your own way, it always has painful consequences. In a vessel unto honor , it also hurts others, because it dilutes your capacity to minister.
All you have said, Lord, bears witness in my spirit. I am so sorry, dear Lord. Teach me obedience and humility. Please help me to catch myself before it gets serious enough to affect others.
"And to all My Brides I would say, take heed lest you fall into various temptations that bring about the ruin of My plan for your life. Anytime you feel a 'little' check in your spirit, that is not just a 'little' check -that is a warning. It begins with one, small, act of disobedience and progresses from there towards disaster.
"That is why I have told you that ‘He who is faithful in the little things, will also be faithful in the greater.’ So in essence, I cannot trust you with the greater gifts until you have mastered self-control over the little ones.
"Don't make the mistake of confusing Me with earthly men, who quite often will bow to your desires to make you happy. No, I am God, and have a much greater happiness in mind for you! And because I love you, I am not willing to settle for second best or to see you fail. Yes, it hurts me terribly to correct you. But, I would rather go through that pain and see you weeping tears of sorrow before it is too late to correct and you've lost an important element of your life's mission, or we have to go round the mountain again.
"My Brides, I do not deny you some pleasure for anything less than a very important purpose, so please don't
begrudge Me even in the little things your conscience bears witness to. Gladly hand them over to Me and we shall be at our destination in no time.
"My heart is to bless you now with the pivotal virtues of obedience and humility, without which you will miss the opportunities I have sown into the fabric of your life."
I wanted to share with you a paraphrase of an old, 13th century parable. Obedience is like a knight clothed in a full suit of stout armor, with his sword on a strong and spirited horse...Riding into battle, he surely has the advantage over his foes. Whereas, disobedience is like a knight with no helmet, armor or sword, seated on a sorry nag of a horse. He will
surely be dislodged and taken captive.
