February 3, 2017
May Jesus strengthen our resolve to be holy and accompany us with His grace for the journey yet ahead.
My dear Heartdwellers, this has been a most challenging time for me. I have been moved to pray for humility and the Lord hastened to reveal my pride. Oh, how painful it is to see your sins! Especially the ones you didn't recognize... although, I don't think any of us can easily identify pride. It has a way of being so hidden that you really have to examine your motives with a scalpel to reveal it.
Well, praise be to God, He has not spared the scalpel. He has revealed some of the hiding places where the poison of pride has been lurking and growing. I must tell you, I have cried for days - seeing myself this clearly.
Well, what brought this whole realization on was a long-standing habit I have been corrected for so many times before. Very simply, I had not been feeling well for three days and recognized part of it as a burden for the nation. But I wanted to kick myself out of it. So, I decided to go swimming in a tiny pool we have on our porch.
My husband discouraged me and said, "Honey this card just fell out on the floor and I felt it was for you." It said, 'Play with Me' and was an invitation to play music with the Lord.
I, thinking I knew best, answered him, "Ok - after I go swimming. I need something to kick me out of the doldrums."
Well, I certainly got kicked alright. I got in the shallow pool and pushed back the lid and had a freak accident. The top end of a 5-foot board we had put between the window and the wall temporarily, to block air flow above the hose to the washing machine, (which had to go outside) came slamming down from about 6 feet in the air directly on my head. And it had two screws in the top, which cut my scalp open.
I don't remember ever having such pain - it was off the charts. I cried and cried and cried and Ezekiel came running and brought ice, alcohol and napkins to clean the blood off my face. I couldn't understand why the Lord allowed this to happen. After all - hadn't I just spent a good 2 or 3 hours in repentance for my sin? Why did He permit this??
Well, it wasn't long before I could see why, very clearly. My husband, like the good man he is, is usually very solicitous for me, watching out for my health. And he suggested that I didn't go swimming, but rather go straight to the keyboard to make music. And I, thinking I knew what was better for me, got in the pool. I poo-poo-ed his suggestion, which would have saved me from this very painful accident. Now my head was throbbing, blood was pouring out and I could barely apply ice, it was SO painful...and I wouldn't be playing any music tonight.
I could see my pride very plainly. After all, 'I know what's best.' The Lord put Ezekiel in place to protect me, but I didn't listen. I did my own thing. Wives - watch out! What out for that familiarity - you just go ahead and do your own thing. Authority is a beautiful, beautiful tool of the Lord when it's used with gentleness and kindness. But in my case, I was pretty hopeless. I didn't listen.
You see, the Lord didn't arrange that accident, the enemy did. The Lord knew what would happen if I got into the pool and He was trying to warn me. But I was too proud and self-assured to listen. I had my own ideas: I needed to go swimming.
I can't tell you how many times in my life I've been so self-righteous. But to bring the point home, my dear family, I had been repenting for hours and never saw this coming. Isn't that the way? We just don't see our pride and self-sufficiency. And now instead of a wonderful night with music, I was in bed with a goose egg and ice.
I apologized and told Ezekiel that I knew why this happened. I told the Lord I was sorry. And I saw Him in the spirit tenderly stroking my head wound. He was so tender and loving. And I felt like such a fool.
Well, that set off days of more repentance and even depression over how bad my sins really are. So, that's what He is addressing here in this message. By the way, when I awoke in the morning, there was no pain at all. Not in my head or on my head - and barely a raised spot. He had healed me. I should have had a goose egg that was very painful to the touch.
But in the aftermath of this, I started recognizing how proud I was in the way I wanted things done. I had ideas about everything and my way was always the best way. Oh yuck!!! The Lord opened my eyes to this egoism and it hurt way worse than a board with two screws hitting my head from six feet up in the air.
So I came to Him in prayer with this very thing foremost in my mind.
Dearest, I am under such conviction that it is difficult for me to focus on anything but my failures. Yet I must thank You for not sparing me enough of the truth, so that I may have the will to change. Thank you, Lord, for not showing me the whole truth...I know I would die if You did.
Boy, I felt like I was coming close to it these last few days...
"Clare, My Love, I am so sorry for the deep depression and conviction you are going through right now. I am with you, Beloved - supporting you, holding you up so you may continue to walk. I know you are a sword in your own heart. I know you feel helpless and lost to change anything, and you are right to feel that way, because it is far beyond you. But believe it or not, you are improving. You really are. I see the struggle you have even before you get out of bed. I see your valiant effort to cast off this yoke. I honor that, you know. I find joy in that little, little act of renouncing something licit - but not what I want for you."
And as soon as I recognized that, I said, 'NO! I don't want that, Lord. I want only You!' And here He is referring to the struggle I had this morning before I got out of bed.
"Clare, if there is hope for you, then they have hope. Hang onto this hope; it will not disappoint.
"My people, when you are standing on the solid ground of humility you are safest. It isn't easy, seeing your vulnerabilities and weaknesses. It isn't easy, knowing you have a long way to go still in this journey. But I am with you ALL the way, and the more sincere you are about eradicating sin from your lives - the more pleasing you are to Me, the more I unite Myself to you. The more I carry you.
"When you behold your sins you are looking at layers and layers of conditioning and DNA from your ancestors. You are not fighting just sin in your own life, but in the lives of those before you who have contributed to your conditioning. In a sense, you are undoing the evil they have done. You are stopping it at this generation. You are coming against a tide of evil going all the way back to Adam. It is a mighty endeavor to bring to a halt to what has become second nature to man: selfishness, greed, sexual misconduct. Just a huge tide of evil you must deal with every day.
"That is why I keep you away from the media, because it feeds on the lowest common denominator of men and plays on your vulnerabilities. And the more you separate yourself from this wickedness - the better. I do not ask you to forsake healthy and faith-building videos, just the degenerate and destructive ones. I have poured much goodness into the vessels using this media and you will receive inspiration as I direct you to the right ones.
"Still, Beloved Ones, there is no substitute for holy dwelling prayer where you and I meet face to face to love one another, to discuss your challenges and petitions for loved ones and your nation. No substitute. So, please be vigilant and nourish your soul with the sweet honey that flows from My heart to yours.
"I know it is difficult to confront your faults, so when I allow this, do not grow despondent. Rather, cling to Me with greater resolve. In the end it is My love for you that will cause you to forsake sin in your life.
"When you love Me with all your heart, and there is nothing left for self-love, then you will conquer your sins. When I say 'sins', I also mean those things which you know are not expedient for you to indulge in because they woo you away from Me by their own attractiveness. Every step away from these things makes you stronger and clears the way for more grace, more understanding and more spiritual gifts. If you start to slide into the past or indulge in faults - stop! Repent and pick up where you left off - and keep going. I do not condemn you for these falls; rather I approve greatly and rush to support your will to pick up and keep going in the right direction.
"Understand that you are not alone in this journey, there are dimensions you do not understand in your very cell structure and DNA. Things you have had no control over. As it is written "I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children, on the third and the fourth generations of those who hate Me, but showing loving kindness to thousands, to those who love Me and keep My commandments." Exodus 20:5-6
"In addition to your soiled lineage, you must also fight the demons that come from with it and know you far better than you know yourself. And to make matters worse, with the increase in demonic activity and darkness, you must rally up new resolve to overcome the obstacles to holiness.
"But I prepare you for these challenges in advance, if you are listening very carefully. I equip you for what I know will assail you, and I am with you in the fight. There are angels that assist you and fight with you as well. I do not leave you on your own. It is yours only to persevere in the right way, it is Mine to reinforce your good resolve with My grace.
"For it is written: 'I will not leave you without help as children without parents. I will come to you.' John 14:18