Locked Up Behind The Bars of Self Pity & Retaliation

January 19, 2017

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May the Lord grant us the grace to hunger for His humility, a place of peace that passes every understanding. And may we treasure our growth into littleness. Amen.

Well, I wanted to pray this prayer because I feel so much safer and so much more secure in the littlest place. And yet, the flesh fights against that. Especially when you're a parent of sorts, and trying to bring wisdom from the Lord. It's not that easy. You don't just say, 'This is wisdom from the Lord.' You have to delicately approach it.

Well, I have learned through the nitty gritty of marriage that there is a greater value on humility than on always having the answers. It really went against my grain to have to bend my mind to my husband's take on things, but a tangible peace would settle in when I honored him above the purse of my own opinions. And on the other side of that, a tangible uncomfortable feeling inside would settle in when I didn't honor him above my own opinions. And if he was wrong, the Lord would let him know and he would come back and apologize.

Well, this same heart is so necessary in all relationships. And recently I've discovered a hardness in my heart towards extended family due to differences in ways of thinking. The enemy longs to create division in my family, but the Lord, being ever vigilant, addressed this today.

'My sheep hear My voice, and another they will not follow.' They will run from another voice. And that has to do with the situation I'm talking about.

Ezekiel also had gotten that same Scripture reading the day before. And I couldn't help but - I just couldn't dismiss it. I really felt that it had to do with this difference in thinking.

So, I came to the Lord, thinking, 'You know, it's probably unforgiveness here.' And I said, 'Lord, your love is so wonderful. How can I NOT forgive?'

And just as a note to that, He's been dancing with me and spending time with me in the Garden and dancing and spending...just, incredible moments of peace and joy and sweetness. And in the midst of it, I have to say, 'How can I NOT forgive? Especially when I'm not deserving of all the love He showers on me. How can I not forgive?'

The Lord answered me. He said, "It is the wound that troubles you, exasperated by demons of division."

Lord, how do I overcome this?

"Renounce your pride, Clare. That's the only way, Beloved. It has tapped into a root of pride. We can actually be rid of this sin fairly quickly if you will renounce it every day. 
 
"You asked to be made more humble. I have given the tool into your hands. Now, use it!" 
 

Wow! Sometimes I wish You weren't so fast and faithful! Then I could have a pity party and feel good about it...

"And sour all your listeners?"

You're right; renouncing is by far the better alternative.

"I will heal all the damage the wound has done if you will be faithful to break fellowship with your pride. It cannot taunt you without your agreement. If you refuse to go into agreement with it, even if it slaps you in the face - which it will do - as I allow greater and greater humiliations of this sort. So, if you refuse to agree, this demon will have to go elsewhere. Rather, shall I say this stronghold will be taken down brick by brick, every time you renounce it. I want you to be free of this once and for all, but you must work hard at it.

"You see, My People, indeed I want you freed from the snare - a bird soaring on the winds of love not locked into a dungeon of self-pity, causing your life to pass you by. When you go there, all that I have imparted to you gets locked up, too. So I promise you, the demons lay a trap for you by others being outright disrespectful or not paying heed to you, then they deliver a blow causing rejection in your heart.
 
"Your flesh, for the sake of survival, wants to return the blow and the moment you entertain that wound and think badly about those who wounded you, or get into defensive mode, that very moment they start setting the pillars in concrete in your heart. And you and all the gifts I've given you sink into the trap, locked securely behind the bars of self-pity and retaliation.

"Children, there is no harm that can be done to you greater than increasing your pride and indignation. You will be playing ping pong with the demons through the bars in this self-imposed prison in every exchange with people on the outside. You will always be searching for an angle to condemn and find fault with them. This is how good relationships can be badly damaged. If you are in the right and no one listens and you are quiet, forgiving and dismissive of pride, nothing can touch you and they just wasted their time.

"Once more, Clare, you most resemble Me with My crown of scorns.

"Do you know the devils have assignments that are time sensitive? In other words, the overlords of the underworld have agendas they want carried out on time - or else. And 'else' is not a pretty sight. So, when you foil all their attempts to cause you to barricade yourself in self-pity and retaliation, they are in trouble with their higher-ups. I'm just telling you that, so you can say to yourself, 'That demon's going to be in big trouble, cause I'm not falling for it this time.'"

Lord, I do want to resemble You in Your crown.

"Are you sure?"

No, but I want to be sure. I'm willing to be made willing to be made sure.

"I only chide you, dearest, so you will remember this when your heart starts to ache. Remember that very little nun who was sent to teach the novices who had just come from the world and entered the convent? When she arrived in the room to give the lesson, one of the novices had taken her chair and there was no place for her to sit. So, what did she do? It is so worthy of being repeated. She sat on the floor and gave them her lesson. 
 
"However, no lesson could have been more eloquent than her choice to lower herself to the floor in the midst of those who had yet much to learn. This is the kind of humility you must have to be free from this cage of self-pity and retaliation.
 
"And as far as what I have given you to say, I will see to the lesson being learned if you have spoken truth with wisdom. The truth will out. In any case, you will have graciously accepted correction from those I sent you to, to bring a word you perceived as necessary for them.

"Oh, the lessons are endless, Clare. Truly, there are a million ways to be humbled. Some of them are less painful than others; none of them are pleasant to the soul who has a pride stronghold. 
 
"So I say to you, My Beloved, I am answering your prayer in this and you will do well to move on. In the proper time all will be resolved. In the meantime, you have acted in virtue and laid it at My feet, not giving it another thought - rather taking care not to sin and praying for those who caused you distress.

"My Children, Love, Forgive, Forget and keep going when others do not respond to you as you anticipated. There is much more virtue in being humble than in being right. Join Me in My Crown of Scorns. I wore this crown My entire life, even when My mother chided me for disappearing. Don't imagine that didn't sting, it certainly did.
 
"But when you, My precious spouse, wear that crown I adorn it with the most heavenly, fragrant roses - the aroma of which mounts up on high even into the throne room of My Father, and brings with it the promise of grace. 
 
"So, bend the knee to these lessons, My dear ones. There is no way you can lose in being more little and more humble. And renounce your pride every day. I will do the rest."

Source: heartdwellers